shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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