Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
