we have officially lost it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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