I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
