You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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