Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
