i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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