We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
