i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
