the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
His nipple licking is glorious
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