You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
