she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
