hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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