Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
