There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
