Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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