We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
