I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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