I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
