Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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