dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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