who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
