im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
