Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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