I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
