I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
