My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
