I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
