Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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