i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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