that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
