So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
there was a trapeze. enough said
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
