i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
