We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
