i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
