I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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