Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
