I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
