Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
