Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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