Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
