I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
