I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
