We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
