i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Houston, we have a blender
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
