Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This house was built for laser tag.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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