worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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