last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
