That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
