After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
