I wish i was in the wii world.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
